i remember me...

Last night I was clearing my cupboard filled with books, a million pages, greeting cards from old friends and more books.

I couldn’t help checking each and every single thing in case I threw away something important.
As I did that I had that feeling of nostalgia, old memories, and then I realized whom I was missing the most, I was missing myself the most, my old self lol, someone whom I had forgotten for a long period of time.

my love for my books, how I had kept each and every book carefully , they still smell of my hard work.
my notes, how I had scribbled all the lecture notes and would get so upset if I lost any
my teachers remarks, how proud I used to be of myself when I had a good or an A on each of my lesson
my six student council badges! (lol am such a show off!)
haha complete nerd I was, I miss myself

then my inconsistent art of diary writing, I had written many, but would soon leave them incomplete, they record some moments of my life from childhood till now
and they are a true replica of my mental growth, from childhood to teenage to now
each page has a story to tell, sometimes complaining, crying on small things to excitement and joy
lol how interested I used to be in my diary, I used to design the pages, make them look so vibrant and bright defining me,and not just filled with those boring writings

my art book! I heart it, I once used to draw and paint and mould things, whenever I open it, it brings an immense joy and pleasure to me cause colours make me happy (above is a drawing from my Grade 8 art book)
I remember once I wanted to be an artist or a designer and have my very own gallery displaying my talent but then this whole idea was forgotten for sometime and i even forgot that I had such a talent.

my motto was to make crap look expensive, to make old and boring things look beautiful again, I remember I never used to write on my rough book until I turned it into something so interesting that would make me write on it, I used to cover it with magazine papers, foams, newspapers, wrapping papers and god know what just to make it look exactly something on which I would want to write
and each book had Benazir Bhutto’s picture on the first page saying ‘this is my goal’!

this is how I used to motivate myself, telling myself to work harder and achieve that goal

lol all those exam papers still remind me of those sleepless nights spent studying hard and that goal of mine cause I dreamt big, something which isn’t easy to achieve
haha just saw my ICT mock paper , 99/100 lol, big time nerd

ahh these were some things which were my life, my happiness and the road to my success but maybe for sometime I lost my way but hopefully I will get back on that same road again and begin my journey towards my own dreams…

My confessions ;)

well , in every person’s life there are things that he does but never confesses to the world or they just remain their tiny secrets deep inside their soul and well those are some things which bring a sense of euphoria to you or maybe sometimes you know its not that great but u cant help it!

well here are some of my confessions

-I am extremely self-obsessed, in fact self-absorbed is the word, I have lost count of how many times I look in the mirror every day, I admire myself a little too much

-though I might seem all good and nice but there’s this evil side of me which can be worse than anyone’s, I bitch about people (sometimes), gossip (always), well hmm things hardly stay in my tummy and they travel too quickly if am the source and I tend to swear (a lot)

-to be brutally honest , 60% of the people I meet don’t know how to dress up and are in a desperate need of a makeover, I know its mean and am not to judge anyone but u know I just cant help that!
and its worse when I have to lie to these people that they look really good and inside am like dude what were you thinking when u wore this?, just to make them happy, I know am sorry :(

-the first thing I do when I meet people is look at their shoes, cuz shoes tell u the kind of personality that particular individual has

-out of all the people I know, there are only a very few people which I actually think are good people, rest all hmm I just do a lot of buttering and flattering and make them feel good about themselves so hmm am very judgemental

-I weigh a lot more than I actually look, well that’s a benefit for me but u ll surprised to know my weight, it always surprises me too 

-I don’t drink tea with sugar, I like it with salt! ;)

-i have prank called a lot of people, esp in my home country, trust me its so much fun and i die laughing

-I think i can be a really good actor cause well am too dramatic and apart from that i know how to use my emotions in a right way

-there are many things which I don’t know but I pretend that I know and immediately google them and act extra smart

-if people are jealous of me , I try to act more smarter and show off a little too much so that they BURN with jealousy, and then I laugh haha

-am not actually that dumb, sometimes I like to act dumb cause well it makes people smile and laugh and I like that :)

-i LOVE stalking random people, its an awesome time pass

-i live to eat! the most amount of money i spend is on my food just to relish my taste buds

now I feel so evil and bad about myself but everyone has this devilish side in them and am really honest to confess it you know ;)

close to my heart

In almost a months time i ll be leaving UAE, my home away from home for almost 13 yrs, and i cannot possibly explain all the mixed feelings that i have about this place.
I cant write down all the things but here are a few real good things which am so gonna miss :

-the heat! though its incredibly hot but the feeling u get when u come all baked in the sun into an air conditioned place, wah heaven!

-traffic! its habitual now to leave an hr n a half earlier to reach a destination which is just 15 mins drive away

-extreme euphoria when it rained! how happy i would be when it would rain after a very long time and go out with a huge umbrella even though it would just be drizzling

-the way to my school! it was amazing how every morning i would pass the same old, not so developed streets of the industrial areas(shortcut to school) watching men working in those dusty factories which was contrary to the modernised dubai

-my bus no 22! my mode of transport to school for many yrs, two long hrs spent every morning with all those fellow friends and kids, singing, playing ouch!,making enough noise so that no one sleeps, discussing all the hot topics about everyone's new crushes and of course making fun and not to forget that awesome man, my driver, who would be so interested in what we would be doing in future n would advice us to work hard n become doctors and engineers and who would be overjoyed when he would tell the chemical formula for water H20!

-my newspaper, Gulf news!, well yeah i can read it online but there's nothing like the 'real' newspaper and reading it would be the first thing i would do every morning and how i would be excited in reading all the gossip in tabloid and my fav horoscope

-talking in different accents! it would be hilarious how i would make my english sound cooler with all those different accents, sometimes arabic, sometimes indian(malu)(no offence), sometimes typical paki and sometimes everything mixed!

-all the swear words in different languages! i bet i dono anything about other languages but just ask me swear words and you ll be shocked

-my building! i spent almost 10 yrs in that same building with all those awesome neighbours who were just like our family and we always celebrated every event together and we even taught our palestinian and egyptian neighbours how to play cricket n now they love it even more than soccer or football!

-my school! TWS, dubai! This is something which m gonna miss the most, my school was my life, 7 awesome yrs, i can run out of words describing each n every moment, my friends, my teachers, my class, mufty days, bus areas, all those arabic style greetings every morning, gossip, rumours, excitement on the arrival of every circular screaming holidays! assemblies, back to school excitement, fashion lol,haha caesars food after every event, just every little thing :)

-my friends! i love them so very much, they made life all exciting and worth living, and my best friend, she's an angel, she's my biggest gift from God, and she's the most beautiful person i have ever come across and now she's gonna be so flattered when she reads this haha ;)

-the atmosphere! even though i was not in Pak, the people here never made me feel that,the smell of rain is the same as the smell back home, it was awesome how i could get shalwar kameez n bangles n dress up same for Eid as i would do in Lahore, the feeling of home , love and care

Dubai <3